Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri!

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir dan Batin to all the Muslims! =)

This year, I decided not to "really celebrate" Hari Raya. The mood was not there, I do not know why. Maybe because I have grown, so much bigger and older, that Raya does not mean so much to me. Maybe because I do not go out in one huge bus with all my grandparents, parents, siblings, aunts, uncles and relatives on the first day, and would get hundreds on the first day, like seriously. Maybe because I have to stay home, wear normal clothes, and clean the house like crazy days before raya and be stucked in the kitchen the whole first day of Raya cleaning things up. Maybe because, emm, I do not get green packets anymore. Maybe because this year I do not have much budget for my Raya packets as I need to put aside the money for other things. And maybe because, yes, there was much preparation for my final practicums.

So yea, that's the list. But I think the top one would be the crazy cleaning up, which I really feel like giving up yesterday, and thinking of the tiredness of the first day.

It is not that I do not like Raya. It is just that I do not enjoy it as much now that I am older. I love Raya like crazy when I was young, you know. But then, I was not choosy last time. I love whatever my parents bought me, and that was A FEW pairs of Raya clothes every year. Which I still do get now. I mean, yea I need A FEW. Maybe five? Hahah. I usually, ehem, hmm, do not like to wear the same clothes. So if I have worn it once, I do not like to wear it again. Atleast on the same year. So yea. I dislike that fact about me. So this year I had like five tailor-made clothes for Raya. But I realized I had no jubah this year. Four baju kurung and one long kebaya. So yea. But this year I tried to cut down. I decided not to get a new handbag and shoes. And I live with "normal" tudungs. But then, two days ago I decided to get "crystals" for my tudung. To match with my clothes. So yea I went to get them at the "Kriz-tals" shop, or something like that. In the end, I did not have time to put the crystals on and decided to wear a new tudung with crystals already on it. I am super glad the colour matches my clothes. Hah. Oh yah, by the way, I need matching stuffs. I can't stand having different colour this and that, and non-matching things. You know it if you know me. And yea, so I did not get a new handbag. The bag which I fell for costs nearly my whole month's allowance, so forget it. Anyway, I only use my last year's handbag a few times, so no harm using it again. Not fussy on that. But then, I bought new shoes yesterday. Hahah. I told Mum I want to just see-see, but I ended up buying a pair. It costs $60, but there was an offer, so why not? Heh. So much for not wanting to buy shoes. And I bought it right after someone helped me clean the shoe cabinet and commented that I have so many pairs of shoes, and I need half of that big shoe cabinet for myself! And half of that side was all my heels! And is if I wear heels, except for perhaps two three days on Raya! Gosh! Of course the other half was mostly my Crocs. Heh.

Ok I am so starting to babble here. I'm working tomorrow morning at 7, and it's going to be two, and I am still talking nonsense. Was actually just supposed to check on my flight details, but here I am. This year Raya went fine, but the cleaning was crazy. Oh ya, maybe also because yesterday was my final practicum, so I have been busy with that. And what's more my Mum had to do all her cakes. Hundreds of pieces you know. Our house has become a cake shop. Heh. Oh ya, and drama late on Raya night. Oh well.

Oh one more thing! I passed my final practicum too! Ahhhh! It's all over. Atleast until I submit my assignments and portfolio. Then I would graduate already!!!

Okay, time to sleep. Wake up and meet my kids tomorrow. I have a feeling there will be soo sooo many stories from them.

Once again, Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir & Batin all! =)

Worrying Solves Nothing

Ok, I don't know why I put the above slogan. Perhaps because I am that kind of person, as many has said. I SEEM calm, and looks as if there's nothing worrying me. Most of the time, I really do not bother about worrying about things, especially if they are not happening real soon. For me, I'll worry about it when the time comes. But sometimes, of course I do worry. Definitely!

One instance was earlier today. It was my FP3 practicum! The second last of the great hurdle before I graduate. Time flies by so fast. I remember the first moments of being in this line. It seems just like a couple of months ago. But then I also remember the practicums, the exams and the never-ending assignments we have to do. The staying back in school or at a team mate's place to complete assignments. Ok, let's not get there. So it was my FP3 practicum. And it was a full lesson plan implementation, and everything a teacher needs to do. I wasn't really nervous, cause I know do not work well with nervousness. It went quite well, though I have kids, and especially a kid who just do not want to listen to me during my practicum. Even my field supervisor noticed, and of course she did not blame me because kids will always be kids. I took him for trial lessons and he could behave, but infront of my field sup... boleh mengucap. My field sup said he might just be showing off cause he kept turning to look at my field sup and was distracted by a stranger. Maybe. So well my field sup said I managed the class very well, which was a great relieve, because seriously, at some point of time when I have to keep trying to get the children's attention, I just feel like, I don't know. It even crossed my mind during the practicum that this is not for me. That I am not a good teacher, and I could never be one. Never say never, I still rmb his words. So I persevered, and I just tried to block out the distractions. I actually quite enjoy my lesson with the kids, and it's wonderful when ALL the children want to go to my learning centre which I spent like every waking hour the past week completing them, trying to make them as perfect as possible, atleast to me, for my kids. And it's wonderful when they want to join me in my activities although I only need to choose some children. And all of them wanting to be in my class when I only need to take half of them.

So well yes, my field supervisor said I did very well, from my lesson, assignments, handling the class, and everything. So I passed, and passed well. Alhamdulillah.

The joy of teaching them and seeing them learn something new, a step further of an educated human being. The joy of seeing my kids happy. The joy of getting hugs, kisses, I love yous, greetings, drawings (even though you really do not know what they draw), stickers, and everything else. The joy of a teacher.

I am falling in love with my kids. I have already fallen deeply in love with some of them. It will be hard to say goodbye. In just a few weeks.

Okay Shiqin, stop your emo. It's time to work on your evaluation which is due this Friday and start working on FP4 which is next Monday. I can already feel the sleepless nights again, but after FP4, I know I will miss all this.

Thank you my family, friends, principal, mentor, centre teachers, lecturers, field supervisor and definitely my kids for making my fp3 a success. Now, just one more time kids for Teacher Shiqin's FP4. And then I'll be your playmate again okay? I love my kids. I so do, even though they really make me feel like quitting this line on the spot. ;)